Monster
by Aeon Snowbreeze
Summary: There's something in Setsuna that is becoming hard to control. A personal crusade becomes inevitable and she risks losing everything she holds dear. She slowly rises like an avenger, a self-proclaimed übermensch. A monster.
1. Chapter 1

Now, this is perhaps a bit unorthodox. I have a book at home all torn and thoroughly read. It is one of my favorites but I've never met a single soul who has read it and I think that's a shame. It's a really good book and describes myself in a dangerous way. More people should read it.

Last week while I was taking my morning shower I thought about the fact that I hadn't posted anything for a while and that I had just recently re-read this book for the umpteenth time. The more I thought about it, the more I could picture Sakurazaki Setsuna as the main character of the book in a different version of it. And so I had an idea. Completely breaking down the chapters of the books I drew a mind map for myself and re-wrote the entire thing.

Oh and I also want to point out the fact that I am not Japanese and therefore I have little to no knowledge of the currency system and the school system.

I'd post the name of the book (and author) this story is based upon but I'll do it after I've completed it. I'd hate to throw anyone off with another title. Steady updates guaranteed. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

_Monster_

* * *

Something wakes me in the middle of the night and I'm sweating bullets. I'm all alone in my apartment and its dark outside. The autumn wind howls outside my half-open window and carries the screams from my dream as a reminder of reality. I rub my eyes. I feel calm despite it all and I get up from the bed and walk out to the kitchen to have a glass of water while I try to remember.  
In the dream I was merely 8 years old. I had received an assignment from one of my teachers at the Shinmei-ryū elementary school while out in the forest. It was a task given to me by someone I held much respect for and so I had been determined to do my best to follow through with whatever needed to be done. Something caught my attention halfway through walking into the depths of the dark forest. There were two girls from the school with their backs to me that I recognized instantly. They were still and focused and I kept a secure distance behind a tree. Suddenly, without premonition, there was a flash of lightning in front of them – fire shot through the ground and they stumbled backwards. One of them fell and when she did I noticed that they had lit something on fire. Unnatural screams cut through my ears like nails against a chalk board; it was painful.

"Fuck!" gasped the girl who had been able to keep her balance. "What have we done?"

"It was your fucking idiot idea!" the other one hissed back. I didn't see what was burning, but it was shrieking. Loudly. False. I could feel my body begin to shake.

"Let's go!" one of them said and ran off towards the exit off the forest. The other one yelled out in a hoarse voice, pleading for her to wait; stumbling after her friend through the leaves.

I watched them both disappear into the shadows and waited until their voices no longer reached my ears before I finally stepped out from my guarded position and walked slowly towards the fire. The flames were voracious, insatiable… Thick against my eyes that had gotten used to the evening light of the forest. The screams now sounded forced, as if the flames were smothering them and I approached with caution.  
A bird's nest. Four nestlings, unable to fly, trapped in the inferno and its unforgiving dance of hysteria. The stench of branches, burnt flesh and feathers filled my lungs and I cringed. The smoke began to spread. I stared at the nestlings, twitching and shaking – one by one they were broken down to bone and ash – and it was then, when the fire caught hold of the grass that I broke out from my paralyzed state and reacted. I stomped down on the newly born flames and continued to do the same with the bird's nest. Soon the fire had died.

This happened to me when I was 8 years old and it was what my dream had been about tonight. The screams felt real and they still echo inside my ears for a while after I woke up. When I sit at the coffee table and drink my water I think about what had happened afterwards.  
Word had gotten out around school but no one knew that I had witnessed it all. Everyone knew, however, that Riyu and Lin were the ones who had committed the horrible act and the school shrink had been called in. After that they became isolated at school. No one wanted to have anything to do with them. Acts of cruelty towards nature's innocence was not tolerated and could not, _would not_, be deemed as a simple prank performed by young children. Especially not among other children the same age. I remember they disappeared after a while. I don't know what happened to them but eventually the whispers around the hallways stopped.

I return to my bed again and try to close my eyes for a bit. For a while I just lay there, listening to the wind outside the window. There's a murmur in the treetops and it brings a peaceful illusion to my mind – leading me into believing that I do not live in the city, but out by the countryside. The dream is keeping me from falling asleep though. Where did it come from? This is the first time that the nestlings have haunted my dreams. They've returned, after so many years, as if they wanted to tell me something.

Morning comes and I get up to eat breakfast. I read the newspaper while waiting for the tea to start boiling. The newspaper has a big article regarding the homeless in the city and how their situation has worsened and that we have no money for decent healthcare. It makes me think about the incompetence of our local politicians and of their salaries; even though I have no idea what they earn or how hard their job really is. Fact of the matter is that our prime minister is a man of great authority with the ability to make things happen. I think in patterns and am vaguely aware of it, but it doesn't soothe my frustration. This is itching to become a day of impotence. I can feel it in my bones.  
On my way to the station I see a scrubby looking lady in ragged clothes approaching. Despite her wandering gaze I assume she has her sights set on me.

"Excuse me", she asks lazily when I approach her, "have you any change to spare for cherries?"  
Cherries? I stop and begin to search my pockets. I found a five and I handed it over. "Thank you", she says and looks sincerely grateful. I walk away towards my newly arrived train without sparing her a glance.

The autumn weather arrived fast this year and forced back the summer quickly. The trees adorning the avenues burn with red and yellow – and the leaves create speckled patterns over the otherwise dull and grey sidewalks. The clouds across the sky at dawn cracks and the sun finds its way through and grants us with its warm rays upon chosen spots all over the city. A cold but fresh wind blows in from the sea. People wear scarfs and their cheeks are red and they look happy. We bathe in light.

A young man sits next to me on the train. He listens to loud music and I can hear it seeping through his headphones. After two stops he gargles and spits on the floor. I say nothing and do nothing, but I am irritated by his act and I imagine myself grabbing the back of his neck and rubbing his face into his own saliva now a filthy spot on the train floor.  
I get off and during my short walk to work there is a bicycle roaring past me; almost jostling me into the road. City cyclists are maniacs. I jerk the door up to the office with unnecessary strength and immediately wish I was somewhere else.

I am mentally absent during lunch when my co-workers indulges themselves in loud pointless discussions while eating noodles. I pick up bits and pieces about a girl some guy met over the weekend but he never mentions her name. I have never liked him - he looks like a pig and today his grunting is extraordinary disruptive so I walk back to the office before everyone else to avoid visualizing a snout across his face. By the water tank I am ambushed by the biggest ego in the office. A girl who only talks about her boyfriend, her friends and her closet. I can't hear a word she is saying even though she keeps calling me Setsuna without proper honorifics and when I decide to walk away without saying anything she yells that we can continue our talk during the three o'clock coffee break.  
The afternoon meetings are a blur – the only thing entering my dimly aware brain is my boss's voice from time to time. He sounds like a high frequency beep, like tinnitus. Even if I held my ears shut or shook my head he would continue his wailing. How do you silence such a noise?  
I can't focus on anything. I'm tired and frustrated. There are nonsensical acts all around me and it annoys me, but today it feels like the stupidity culminates.

When the clock hits 5 I decide to visit an art store to buy a frame for my girlfriend. To my utter horror I see an approaching situation before me that I absolutely not have the strength to deal with.

An old classmate.

From high school.

Someone I never had anything in common with.

I look straight forward and pretend like I don't know her. I just can't muster up the strength to go through another set of charades with someone today.  
It works. She reaches the checkout before I do, pays and leaves. I hand over the frame to the cashier when it's my turn, pay and just when I thought I was safe I can feel her umbrella nudging my knee and I know she did it on purpose; I realize that I lost the game.  
I turn around.

"Hi, Setsuna-san", she says with a wide smile on her face. She's gained a bit of weight and cut her hair short. It doesn't suit her at all.  
For a moment I sport a fake hesitance on my face before I fold and smile towards her: "Well, hello Saotome-san. How are you?"

"I'm good, just swell. How are you?"

"I'm great. Just out buying a frame for the girlfriend."

"Oh yeah? Konoka's picked up painting?"

"No. She likes to frame photographs."

"That's cool, maybe she can frame some of my explicit artwork!"

Ha ha ha, our shared laugh is strained and of course we are heading the same way. I'm going to the mall, she's going to the mall – she's buying clothes and I'm in actuality on my way home to Konoka. I fabricated my trip to the mall to Haruna because it was close and it seemed like an unlikely destination for her, but I was wrong. We talk about weather and wind when we walk together. I learn that she is trying to start her own business. A bookstore together with Miyazaki and Ayase. "But I do all the work!" she laughs. I smile. She asks what I do nowadays and I give her an evasive answer because I can't be bothered with explaining what I do; she seems content with that. I don't think she's interested anyway.  
We finally arrive at the mall and end up on the middle floor. She's going down and I am not. I decided that since I was coaxed into coming here I might as well buy something and we end up at a crossroad by an escalator.

"Well, take care", she says and gives me a vague smile.

"You too", I respond and for a second I believe that she might be able to get out of this situation with a little dignity. But no.

"Hey", she says.

I turn stiff. "Yes?"

"It would be fun to grab a coffee someday and catch up. Like… Next week or something. For fun's sake. It's been awhile."  
Indeed. I have standard answer prepared, even a business card to hand out and I fumble around my pockets for it. Where is that damn card? What an idiot she is.

"Sure", I say. "You can call me, or I can call you and we can figure something out. Might be fun." But I can't find the card and Haruna doesn't have one herself so I get some time to think and I realize that I can't cope with this anymore I've had enough of the bullshit I don't want to see Haruna I don't want to have coffee with her and I should actually tell her that NOW!  
I stop my search and look up. She's observing me with a blank expression that now devolves into that of confusion.

"Hey", I say and am strangely neutral for what I am about to do.

"There's no reason for us to meet over a coffee, is there?"

Haruna frowns. "What?"

"Yes, well, we never had anything in common in High School. We were never good friends. It would be a waste of time if we decided to meet up. It's better if you invest your time with your friends and I do the same with my friends."

"Ooo-kay…"

"What would we talk about? We had barely anything to talk about during our three years together in school."

"Well…" Haruna starts to scratch her head and I'm close to asking if she's looking for something but it looks like she's getting annoyed. "Whatever, let's not then. I just wanted to grab a freaking coffee."

She's starting to walk away from me and says over her shoulder: "Take care then."

"You too", I say and I mean it. I don't mean her any harm. I just don't want to have anything to do with her.  
Afterwards I feel relaxed. There is no regret or room for reflection and I put the miserable day behind me. I breathe easy for the first time in a long while.

There's no spontaneous buy at the shopping mall because I go straight home to my girlfriend. There's nothing in my apartment that's waiting for me, I live alone and like it. Besides, Konoka lives in the middle of town in a newly renovated flat. If you don't have good connections or you're ready to kill someone, it's difficult to get a place like that. Konoka has got good connections because of her family.

I step of the tram and walk through the park up a hill. It isn't dark yet but the clouds are beginning to gang up with each other and hang like a heavy, gray blanket over the city. It's going to rain any minute now. People don't look so happy anymore. The moisture on the curb have stopped shimmering and the wind is lashing cold against my cheeks. I stop outside of Konoka's gate and peer up against the sky. The first drop of water hits my nose.

Konoka isn't home so I unlock the door with the keys she's entrusted me with. Her apartment is small but tasteful; a little gray today because of the weather but I chase away the darkness with the help of a few lit lamps. The apartment is barely 50 square meters with a modern kitchen and a table fit for two. The living room is big with wooden floorboards and has a nice view overlooking the park. Konoka has effectively furnished in garish colors: the couch is blue, the rug under the red coffee table is green and the window boards are filled with plants. The room always seems to shimmer with a warm atmosphere.  
I decide to be a bit creative and find old wrapping paper from the previous Christmas to use for wrapping her frame into a nice gift. When I'm done I place it on the kitchen table, I lit candles and walk into the living room just to lay me down on the comfortable cushioned couch.  
Informative pictures flashes inside my head warning me of the dangers of leaving lit candles alone in an apartment. Curtains on fire. Doilies catching on fire. Bird's nests in infernos. Luckily, Konoka doesn't have any of these things in the kitchen. I shut my eyes and almost fall asleep to the sound of the rain pattering on the window.

A moment later a key is pushed into the lock. Konoka is home and brings autumn with her. A couple of leaves have gotten stuck on her boots, her long brown hair is wet and sticks to her head and her jacket is almost soaking. She looks at me with her brown eyes through her hair and gives me a smile that makes me feel like I'm still in high school; and there's nothing more important than us.

"Hi", she says and takes one of her boots off. The storms of autumn have not been able to budge her.

"Hi", I say back and lean on my elbow.

"It's so cozy in here! Were you asleep?" She asks and manages to get her other boot off.

"Barely."

Konoka sees the light coming out from the kitchen. "Secchan… What have you managed to come up with now?" She walks in, I lay still. I hear her when she calls out from the kitchen: "Yes! You bought the frame! Thank you!" I stretch my limbs out on the couch again and she walks in from the kitchen and joins me. Her hair is still damp when she lays with her head on my shoulder; but her body is warm. She reaches up and kisses me tenderly on the lips. "Thank you" she whispers softly and I smile.

Konoka is beautiful. She's tall and she's got long brown hair. Sometimes she wears it in a ponytail. Her eyes are lighter than mine and she's got dimples when she smiles. Her lips are red and skin is white. Everyone likes her. She's doesn't have any controversial opinions but manages to keep steady discussions with people that do. She never judges anyone and always seem to know how to deal with people. "I want to become a diplomat" She's said before and I think the world would be a better place. But as of now she works in a clothing store downtown and she seems to like it there.  
We call a pizza restaurant for a delivery and while we are waiting I decide to take a shower. Konoka plays the Sims and I can hear her cursing over the father of her virtual family setting fire to the kitchen while his kids are in the bathtub and the mother spends an unusually long time on the toilet. "What kind of family is this!" she yells out. "I'm going to find a new husband for my woman. This dad is completely incompetent! And he never showers!"

30 minutes later there's a teenager with a moist pizza carton in hand and a cross helmet strangely worn at the doorstep. I regard him and his strange way of removing the helmet halfway over his head with interest while Konoka shuffles about for money. Why is he wearing it like that? Doesn't he know that he looks like an idiot? The temptation of punching him in the forehead with the palm of my hand makes me step forward when Konoka receives the pizza. Strengthened by the confrontation with Haruna today I feel that I am ready to go from thought to action but my everlasting nemesis called Reason stops me and the entire movement looks more like a strange jolt from my side. The guy stares at me. Konoka gives me a puzzled smile, thanks the cross boy and shuts the door.

"What was that?", she asks when we enter the kitchen.

"Nothing", I respond. "Just a twitch."

The pizza doesn't taste bad and while we're eating Konoka talks vividly about her day. I listen and register every word, but she doesn't have my full interest until she reaches the finale, ten minutes before closing time. It turns out to be at about the same time I snapped at Haruna.

"In walks a middle aged lady", she begins. "In her hand she carries a white shirt. I can see that a seam has burst in the shoulder of the shirt and I also notice that the shirt is of a brand we don't have. She puts the shirt down on the counter and says 'what do you plan on doing about this?' so I ask for the receipt, but her gaze wanders and she doesn't even seem interested. 'Oh, I don't have one. But you can fix this anyway can't you? I shop here frequently.'"

Konoka drinks a bit of water and continues thereafter: "I ask her who sold it to her. 'It wasn't you?' the woman asks. I respond by telling her that we don't sell that brand and ask her if it may so be that she bought it in the store a block away from our store, because they sell that brand."

"And I assume she didn't", I interpose.

Konoka shakes her head. "Of course not. But now we both know that she is mistaken. From here on out she still has room to save her face and admit that she has made a mistake. But she doesn't. She insists on having bought the shirt at our store."

"Embarrassing."

"Yes. We stand there. I repeat with patience that we do not sell this brand at our store but she doesn't give in! She insists on having bought it from us and that she wants to have a word with my manager! She understands immediately when she looks at me how embarrassing it's going to be." Konoka pauses and cuts a piece of pizza and leans back into her chair.

"Guess what happens", she says and bits down on her fresh slice. "Guess."

I lean my chin against the palm of my hand and think. "She insists on having bought it at your store, becomes angry when your manager tells her she's wrong and she swears she'll never shop at your store ever again."

"Wrong", Konoka smiles. She swallows the last piece. "When I come back, she's gone. She took the shirt with her."

"Huh."

"And my pen."

I release an honest gasp. "What? Your pen?"

"Yes! A regular ballpoint pen; costs close to nothing in any bookstore! And she took it!"

We both break out in laughter.

The evening proceeds with watching TV together, curled up on the sofa. We watch a new reality television show called "The Mansion", where 8 young people are, for an indefinite time, locked in a mansion together. The Mansion is huge; several hundred square meters filled with many tiny rooms and small corridors. They have everything except a line of communication with the outside world. The only line of communication they have is to the studio. They report how they are feeling and what they want. One of the participants, a 17 year old girl, tried to get out after only three nights at the Mansion but it was impossible. The door was locked and no one came for her. She cried for one whole day, the other 7 tried to comfort her and now she seems fine again. A little out of it perhaps but fine nonetheless. They've been in there for a week now.

"What's the purpose of the show?" I ask Konoka, but she doesn't know.

"What do you win?" That, she does know. One million tax free. Not bad.

"When do you get it? What do you have to do to get it?"

She shakes her head. "I'm not sure. I think I read it somewhere." But she doesn't remember. We continue watching The Mansion and one of the guys stands in front of a camera in the kitchen. He's barely over 20 and has a cap turned backwards on his head. His eyes are idle.

"Y'know…" He's speaking to all the viewers "In here… There are some hot girls. Like… four hot girls." He looks beside the camera for a second, like there's someone standing behind it. He laughs and stops just as sudden as he started. He sounds hoarse now. "Uhm… Yeah… By the way… Hiromi… Now while I'm in here and all… Y'know… And I don't know when I get out… I thought maybe we should… Y'know…"  
He looks down at the floor; tongue glides over his dry lips. He lifts his cap off, runs his hand through his hair a couple of times and puts it back on. You have to look good when serious business are at stake. "Like… I thought we could break up. Y'know."  
He looks into the camera but can't face the neutral lense for too long and eventually walks away with a heavy sigh. The Mansion ends, the picture fades away.

"How can an idiot like that roam around free?" I say, distracted by the awful song played at the end.

"What do you mean?" Konoka asks.

"You saw what happened."

"What?"

"You saw what happened", I repeat and make a gesture towards the TV screen.

"What do you mean 'saw'?"

"He just sat there and broke up with his girlfriend, live on TV."

"Who? Where?"

"Yes but he sat there and was disgusting with his cap and… and… Oh well figures. Wow, we're fun."  
Konoka tries to hide a smile but when she sees that I understand what's happening she laughs wholeheartedly which makes my heart skip a beat. I hit her playfully with a couch pillow and try to put on my best pout.

"Sometimes you're out of it, Secchan." She tilts her head and looks at me.

"Are you going to keep teasing me?" I grab the pillow.

"No." She affectionately brushes back a few curls of hair from my forehead. "Sometimes I wonder. Where everything comes from. All of you."

"From this place right here", I point towards my head, squint my eyes and stick out my tongue.

Konoka snorts and grabs the pillow from my lap, "Now you've ruined it all. Let's go to bed."

Nothing more happens that night. We crawl into bed, turn the lights off and fall asleep.

I don't dream about the bird's nest. I do, however, slap the cross helmet off the boy's head.


	2. Chapter 2

_Monster_

* * *

_Chapter 2_

* * *

The weather turns 180 degrees this weekend. Summer refuses to give up without an honorable fight and plans to step up for another round against autumn. Despite a period with cold winds and rain, the temperature is rising and people can safely take off their jackets without freezing.  
Konoka's dad calls on Sunday afternoon and wants us out to his house for a barbeque. Konoemon is out of town for a few weeks and the family house is empty. He still doesn't fully accept me and Konoka being together but instead of tiptoeing around him I'd rather just avoid it all together. Eishun, Konoka's father, knows this and it's the reason he called. That and the weather. Even though the house and its properties are mainly occupied by Konoka's father and her stepmother, Konoemon still holds the rights and the key to the family enterprise which has been, without a doubt, very profitable for both parts.  
It irritates me how Konoemon doesn't accept his granddaughter's sexual orientation. It must have been a shock though, I'm sure. Konoka is the epitome of the young beautiful _straight_ woman in her best years. Alas, she swings in a different direction than what he wanted. She doesn't lose too much sleep over it though.  
Her father is a prime example of how a parent should act towards their child. Endless love. I hold much respect towards that man.

"A barbeque you say?", I ask with a skeptical voice. "It's almost October. Barbeques are for July."

"Or August", Eishun says with a cheerful voice. "And in this case, the end of September. You should grab the opportunity when it presents itself Setsuna!"

"I'm going to ask Konoka and I'll call you back." I chuckle and hang up.

Konoka slept at her apartment last night. She worked Saturday and went out for drinks with a couple of her co-workers. Probably did a few honorary laps towards the pubs on the west end part of town as a grand finale. The clock is past 11 so I call her and wake her up without mercy. 7 signals echo empty in the phone before she finally picks up.

"Uh… Hello?"

"Hi, it's me." I chirp into the phone. "Have you seen the beautiful weather we're having?"

"Ohh, bite me. I hate you."

She thinks a barbeque is a good idea though.

"Dad just can't let go of summer. He bought a new grill on sale about a week ago and I bet he has been sitting on nails wishing for the weather to turn around." She yawns into the phone. "Just give me a few… Hours and I'll be ready."

We hang up and I call Eishun back and tell him that we would be happy to arrive around 4 o'clock.

I walk into the kitchen and make myself a cup of tea. I stand by the window and look out across the dock. My apartment is small with simple interior but with a fantastic view over the harbour. It was cheap when I bought it and Konoka helped me renovate it. During beautiful days with lots of sunlight; those are the days my apartment really shines and can almost be deemed luxurious to the creative eye. Sometimes when the sun is about to set, I sit outside on my balcony and look at the fire across the water with ships passing among the flames. But as of now, I am content by my window with tea in hand.  
I'm watching a red car try to squeeze into a spot next to a blue car. I can tell that it's going to be impossible for the blue car to get out. The driver with the red car still parks next to the blue; gets out, closes the door and walks away whistling a tune.  
What a fucking idiot.  
Like Haruna. Maybe.  
Everything used to be so simple. Things like this would have rolled off my shoulders. But it's starting to leave echoes behind and I see things I didn't see before. Ugly things. Things that bother me.

There's a chime at the door. For a second I think that maybe Konoka is here to surprise me, but she wouldn't have been able to get here that fast and so I make my way to the intercom before blowing up with curiosity. "Yes?" I say with a solid voice as I hold down the button.

"Hi, it's Asuna."

Asuna. The trusted friend. The hard working student. The treat of the day. She doesn't live far from where I live. Who would have thought that she would make it far enough to become a pre-med student. She has definitely had to work harder than most that's for sure.

"Well hello", I answer. "Come on up." I buzz her in.

"Sweet."

A minute later she's standing in my doorway and smell of liquor. Her shirt is wrinkled and jeans are fashionably torn. She smiles at me warily and her orange hair is pulled back into a single ponytail and she looks tired. Actually, she looks like she hasn't slept at all.

"Hi", she says. "What's up?"

I give her a small smile. "Good, good. You were out having the time of your life last night I assume? You look like you're coming straight from the after party."

"It's almost true", she says and laughs. "You wouldn't mind pouring me a cup of coffee?"

I make her a cup while she seats herself at the kitchen table and looks out the window with half-closed eyes.

"Wonderful weather we're having" she says. "I was in the neighbourhood and thought I would stop by and say hello."

"You're always welcome here", I respond. "So, in the neighbourhood you say?"

"Yep", she grins. "Party last night, y'know. A few course mates at a flat. One thing lead to another and it ended at someone's apartment" she makes a flimsy gesture to nothing in particular and doesn't say more about it.

I grip the coffee cup off the table and hold it close to my chest: "You aren't going to get a single drop of coffee until you've told me everything."

Asuna laughs. "Give it here! I haven't had breakfast yet, you clown."

"You want a sandwich or something?"

"Like you would have the ingredients for that at home."

"Konoka is the one who lacks breakfast culture, not me."

She chuckles softly. "No, thank you, coffee will do just fine."

I pour some freshly made coffee into her cup and hand it over. She avoids my analyzing stare when I sit down in front of her and the silence is turning into a silly game and we laugh together.

"Go on then. Spill it."

"Meh, it's nothing. It was just one of those things."

"Do I know her? Have I met her?"

She frowns and thinks. "Hmm… No, I don't think so. Maybe at some party… No. But whatever. How are you doing? This is really good coffee."

I moan and shake my head. "Yeah, yeah okay, don't tell me then. Nothing in particular is up with me. We are going to have a barbeque with Konoka's father today."

Asuna almost chokes on her coffee. "Barbeque?" she dries her mouth with her hand. "Is that his idea?"

I nod and roll my eyes. No one in this country loves summer as much as Eishun. We sit in silence for a while before Asuna speaks up.

"Don't be fooled by the sun. It's not as hot outside as it may seem."

Apparently, a shadow draws across my face because she looks at me and asks: "How are you?"

"Good, I guess. It's been a weird week."

She empties the last coffee in her cup. Can you drink coffee that fast on an empty stomach without suffering a heart attack? Looks like it.

"How's everything between you and Konoka?"

"Fine." I get up to get more coffee for her but she stops me with a gesture.

"Is it your stupid boss again?" she continues.

I shake my head. "No, he is his usual stupid self. But you know… Rain and wind and all that… No one's happy with that kind of weather." I should actually talk to Asuna about this. And I will, as soon as I know what _this_ is. If it's more than just a vague sense of reality not being what it used to be. Asuna slowly taps her fingers against the table. I can't fool her and she knows it.

_Setsuna, I know you, there's something you're carrying around but you won't talk about it._

_Perhaps._

_You can come talk to me when you're ready to share._

_I will._

Asuna stands up and fills her cup on her own. She leans against the kitchen counter and smells her coffee without drinking it.

"I passed my exam", she says after a while.

"Congratulations. Now you've got that out of the way." Asuna cheated once at an exam and felt really bad afterwards. It took several cups of coffee to calm her down. She passed it, of course. She has done well for herself.

"I'm actually thinking about changing my major to psychiatry instead."

"Oh yeah? Again? I thought you were going to be an orthopedic. Ears, nose and neck before that? Skin? And then…"

"Yeah, yeah." She interrupts. "If you met Springfield-san you would have been inspired too. It feels like I finally know what I want to do."

You've said that before Asuna. Many times before. About many things.

"He motivates me greatly", she continues. "He's a person you want to keep in touch with, despite the course being over and all."

"I can see that."

"How so?"

"You've spoken about him quite a lot."

"He's good. He sees great value in psychiatry." She empties her cup once again and I know she will soon take her leave. She shoves her hands into her pockets and looks down at the floor. "Today", she starts. "When I walked out the door I felt like everything was alright. No hurry, a little hung over, hungry and sun shining. Everything the clichés tell you to never forget about. Things have a way of working themselves out." She closes her eyes. It looks like she's trying to relax. Then she opens them and she looks straight at me. "Have you felt like that recently?"

I slowly shake my head. "No", I answer. "How are your parents by the way?"

"I don't know. Good, I guess." She's trying to sound nonchalant. "I haven't spoken to them in a while."

The telephone rings and it's somewhere in the apartment but I don't know exactly where. While I rush out from the kitchen and into the living room, Asuna begins to put on her shoes in the hallway. When she puts her coat on I answer the phone: "Setsuna."

"Hi, sweetie."

"Hi, honey. Can you hang on for just three seconds?" I turn around to face Asuna who just smiles at me and shows herself out. She shapes her hand to a phone and holds it against her ear. I nod and wave her off.

"…our…five…"

"Hello, what are you doing?"

"I'm counting. You said three seconds, but it's been five."

"But—"

"Shush", she interrupts. "I'm coming over and I haven't had breakfast yet so I thought maybe we can have brunch together before we drive over to the barbeque. Can you fix something until I get there?"

"Ugh. Setsuna fix."

"Ohh." She purrs for a second or two in the phone. "You're the best."

When we've hung up, I lay down on the couch. Images enter into my mind: the man on the train spitting, my pig of a co-worker, the cross boy with the pizza. And Haruna catching up with me; a faded memory of a time I no longer want to hold on to. But I made it. At least this once.

When Konoka arrives I'm still on the couch. I've completely forgotten about the brunch but it doesn't irritate her in the least. It makes her concerned.

"Secchan", she says with a worried voice. "How are you feeling?" She smell of fresh air and her cheeks are rosy red. Her hair is disheveled and I can faintly smell her perfume.

"What?"

"You look out of it. Are you feeling alright?" Konoka sinks down on her knees beside me on the couch and she strokes my forehead. I take in the smell of her and shake my head.

"It's alright. I accidently fell asleep and forgot all about brunch."

Konoka smiles and shrug her shoulders. "It's fine. We'll make it together!" Her good mood is highly contagious and I can feel my dark thoughts disappearing.  
I engage myself wholeheartedly in the making of breakfast and listen with full attention to a bubbly Konoka telling me about all the fun and rowdy things that happened when they were out the other night. A guy at the bar had been hitting on her and she ended up throwing water in his face after it was apparent that he would not stop coming onto her even after her passionate speech about the love she carries for her girlfriend at home. I imagine that, if anything, the confession made her even more approachable to a lot of men.  
One of her friends had gotten so drunk she had offered to buy shots for the entire crowd mingling at the bar and another had taken a guy home.

"No details have been provided… Yet!" Konoka giggles. She changes subject and talks about getting a cat.

"It will tear your sofa apart." I answer with an 'as-a-matter-of-fact' voice. "And wet the bed when it's angry with you."

"Not my cat", Konoka says to her defense. "My cat is going to be showered with so much love that it can't possibly be mad at me."

"Well, I'm against it." I say and put on a posh attitude with my nose in the air, earning a smack in the face with the couch pillow. The war is now a fact.  
A couple of assaults later and we're covered in feathers from one of the now ripped pillows. Between the laughs and playful wrestling I find myself letting go of the previous gloomy thought carousel and I am happy.

An hour later and we're in the car together on our way to the Konoe residence. The area is filled with huge houses; taxed properties the 60+ residents are happy to have bought 20 years ago. The more modern dwellings have been forced to take out loans in a declining economy. Konoka grew up here and so did I for a while, amongst the everyday conspiracies over the perfectly trimmed bushes. It's in the past now.  
Konoka and I don't talk much during the ride. She's got the window down and is half-asleep in her seat, allowing the wind to caress her. We drive past a sign I recognize. It points the way to my old school. I squeeze the steering wheels hard. We arrive, shortly after that, to a narrow road leading through the woods and I know we're just moments away from the house. Konoka wakes up from her slumber. She smiles at me.

"Are we here already?"

Eishun's car is parked in the driveway. A lawn stretches up towards the main house. A small trail lined with fruit trees hides the lush garden hidden on the left side and on the right side is a pond adorned with out-of-place cliffs and rocks. In the summer there's a very apparent smell of fruit and flowers and you're easily sedated by the warmth of the breeze rustling the trees. During the winter there's a beauty to be seen by the glistening of frost and ice – a dignified peace rests across the ground.

The doors of the house are slammed open when we get out of the car and Eishun walks down the steps with his arms open. Konoka immediately falls into them.

"Konoka, my dearest daughter!"

I smile at the sight in front of me. I too receive a hug powerful enough to break a few bones. It makes me think of the old story about the boy and his mouse.

"Come in, come in", Eishun starts. "I've prepared the grill and I've sent the butler away!"

The Konoe family has got more than one employee cleaning up and running errands but it is often toned down in the company of others. Konoka still rolls her eyes at me though, as we follow the man up towards the house.

I smell the sweet scent of meat covered in marinade when we finally get to the terrace of the house. A neighbor is chopping wood. In the distance I can hear the buzz from an outboard. A gust of wind rustles the crowning leaves of a tree and I take a deep breath. There's no burning nestlings here, no one is breaking up with their girlfriend live on TV and I don't have to decline an awkward invitation to coffee. On the back we are greeted by a big lawn with an outside pool.  
I can see Konoka giggling at her father and I can't do anything else but smile at the sight before us. Eishun is dressed in a white apron with a chef hat. The table is set with all kinds of delicious appetizers. The month is September and I have just walked into a summer photograph taken by Konoka in the middle of July. Konoka has already helped herself to a welcome drink and salutes me with the glass and a smirk on her face. I guess I'm driving home.

"Wonderful day for a barbeque, isn't it!" Eishun says to no one in particular. He chuckles and begins to scramble around for spices. Through the doors to the house, out on the terrace walks Konoka's stepmother Aya, swirling around looking stunning in light clad linen pants and a white blouse to match and she is pulled like a magnet to me.

"Hello, Setsuna!" She says and gives me a hug. She smells of perfume but looks tired. "I'm so glad you both could make it."

"It's great to be here", I respond whilst she swirls her way to Konoka.

"Can't say no to a barbeque." Konoka says and smiles. Eishun turns around with the grill spade raised in the air.

"Exactly! Seize the moment. We are not likely to have weather like this until next year!"

Aya shakes her head and gives him a peck on the cheek before she swooshes into the house again. It's great to see Eishun so happy. He's always been happy but more so now. Aya brought something out in him that we didn't know he had in him. Like Konoka and me. I'm certain I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for her. I ponder over that fact for a moment while I observe her from where I'm standing, hand on the terrace railing. The pool in the yard brings forth memories as well but I can't bear to look at it. Several years ago when Konoka decided to throw a huge gathering at her family house I almost drowned a man in pure rage. He had gone through Asuna's bag and stolen her wallet; two party guests tried to pry my fingers off his neck in order to save his life. But it was Konoka's voice that finally filled me with reason enough to let go. It was a long time ago.  
The food is almost ready and we are seated at the table. A cold wind blows in from the forest and Konoka shivers but gives me a discreet smile when she catches me looking. Eishun encourages everyone to fill their plates with food and Aya is stuck in a phone call inside the house but returns shortly with wine and the dinner starts for real.  
I'm having trouble focusing on the conversation during dinner and so I am mostly quiet. I feel like I don't have the energy to sort out all the subjects and opinions being thrown around. There's something else picking at my attention but I can't for the life of me understand what. Konoka is telling them about the shoplifter they had at the store a while ago. A lady tried to steal a cape by putting it on in the dressing room and walking out the store casually with it. Eishun talks about an article he read in a magazine about media villains.

"Modern crusaders would rather deal with tyranny in the spotlight. Defeating anonymous villains wins you no elections."

_The Mansion_ comes up in the conversation. It seems that Eishun is following it with fascination while the rest of us tries to avoid the crap that is reality TV.

Konoka looks at me. "Setsuna, didn't you ask me about the purpose of _The Mansion_ the other day?"

I nod and turn to Eishun. "That's right. What is the purpose exactly?"

"I'm not sure. You win a lot of money." I say and turn to Aya. "Do you know anyone working on _The Mansion_?"

"No", Aya responds. "They don't produce it in the city."

Eishun has gone silent and for some reason, the mood turns thick around the table. It throws me off a bit. I have to ask. "But you know the purpose of it? A production like that must be the center of a lot of discussion in your line of work?"

Aya gives me a look from the side and drinks from her wine glass.

"Why so?"

"Well…"

"Why don't we look it up on the internet later", Eishun says all of a sudden.

Konoka notices it as well and she can't let it go and so she asks Aya.

"But there must be a purpose to it? There's a goal, something you have to do to win?"

Aya takes another sip. "That's how it usually is." She says without looking at Konoka. "I don't know, I don't work on reality shows."

I break the heavy silence that follows with my skillful smoothness worthy of the status as an everyday hero of awkwardness.

"Konoka wants to buy a cat."

"I didn't say that!" Konoka quickly responds. "I said maybe."

Aya snorts, Eishun laughs and everyone shares their opinions on cats while we all help out to clear the table. While Aya makes coffee and Eishun is working on the dessert, I stroll around the house and find Konoka sitting in her old room that she had when she was growing up. I sit next to her on the bed. She leans her head against my shoulder and grabs my hand.

"You okay?"

"Yes."

"You were awfully quiet during dinner."

"I didn't have much to say."

She looks at me and she's got a contemplative look on her face. I lower my head and sigh. Konoka tactfully doesn't ask again. We spend a few more minutes in the room. We reminisce about the past and end up counting through numerous times that the old man Konoe had tried to get me out of the house. It's a light hearted conversation about a heavy and unhappy time of our life.  
We eat dessert in the dining room and I talk more. Eishun asks me how the karate is going. "I don't practice karate", I say. They never remember what martial art I practice.

"Kung fu?" Aya ask. "Or the popular one everyone seems to talk about… Capoeira?"

"The training is going well", I say. "We're taught to kill" Everyone laughs and I continue to share a project I'm working on. They will soon see the result on billboards around town. Eishun asks if I still hate my boss and I respond by saying that I've never said that. I do however think he is an idiot. Aya tells us about her TV-show in a nearby city and what it's like to commute every other day. Most of it is secret but she seems eager when she shares the little things she can.  
After dessert we take a walk down to the docks, Konoka and I. We try to skip rocks in the water. Well, I _try_. Konoka wins. I steal a few kisses from her and I wish time would stand still for us. The sun disappears behind clouds and the real cold emerges. Our make believe summer comes to an end. Soon there's rain falling from the grey sky and we make our way back up to the house.  
When we arrive we say our goodbyes to Eishun and Aya and drive off. We're quiet in the car, but all of a sudden I see the sign coming up on the side of the road ahead. I get an obsessive thought that I can't shake from my mind and almost instinctively, I turn the wheels and drive up towards the old school. The torn and oblong building looks like a black castle against the sky in front of us. I drive past the school towards the parking lot next to the cafeteria. I stop the car but won't let go of the steering wheel.

"Secchan… What's going on?" Konoka asks. "Why are you stopping here?"

"I have to check something out", I say and exit the car. I don't turn around to see if Konoka follows me or not, but I can hear her opening the door and shutting it again. I head straight towards the forest.  
The twilight makes the leaves upon the grass shine dimly with colors. I'm somewhere close to my dream but stumble on a root sticking up from the ground and I nearly lose my balance. It feels like a punch in the face, like something is trying to get me to collect myself. To calm down. I stop. The sweat is running down my forehead, I breathe heavily and I feel dizzy. Everything is spinning. What am I doing here? Am I out of my mind? There are no nestlings here or bird's nests and even if there were, would it matter?  
I support myself with my hands on my knees and I try to take deep breaths. Time to go back.

Konoka is waiting by the car, arms crossed as she leans on the car; regarding the school with little interest. When I walk up to her she just looks at me. Her hair softly flutters in the wind.

"What happened?"

"I don't know", I answer.

"That's bullshit." She opens the door and sits in the passenger seat. We drive home in silence. I drop her off at her apartment with a short bye, no kiss. She doesn't say anything and as soon as I get home I call her. She hasn't gone to bed yet.

"I'm sorry", I say. "I just had to visit my old school."

"And run off into the woods like a maniac?" Konoka responds. But she doesn't sound angry. "Talk to me. What's going on?"

Tell her about the dream, its Konoka, the woman you love and the one you're supposed to be able to share everything with. If you can't tell her, what's the purpose of your relationship?

"I had a weird dream the other night. I walked around the forest of my old school. Suddenly I just felt the need to see if it looked like it did in my dream. If I remembered it correctly."

"That's odd, Secchan. Really odd. What did it look like?"

I clear my throat. "I realized, when we got there, that I was an idiot. I felt ashamed. In front of you."

"Secchan…" Konoka melts. "I already know you're an idiot. You don't have to be ashamed." Her voice is warm and I love her.

But is she disarmed? No, I don't think so. But when we hang up everything seems to be a bit better again and I've reassured her for now which makes me feel better. I don't want to concern her in any way.  
I walk up to the window of my apartment and look out across the bay and towards the city. It looks different at night; cautious, vigilant, like it was watching me. It's an uncomfortable feeling and I drown the feeling in a glass of whisky before retiring to bed.

* * *

_AN_: Happy New Year everyone! I thought I'd post another chapter today since it is a special day.  
Hope you like the story so far.

_Arrietti_: I'm really glad you brought this up. I can imagine that more readers react to this when reading the story (Setsuna being OOC) Just like you said, it's an alternate universe. More importantly though, they are not kids anymore. They are adults. Most of the characters in the story has got a darker past than the original characters from the manga/anime. _Especially_ Asuna. Their past shape their personality traits and I try my best to keep the key qualities from the original characters alive in them.  
Setsuna _is_ the story and is more complex than what you've seen so far. I can't say more but I appreciate that you pointed it out!

I appreciate every review.

The story is written with a glimmer in my eyes. Everything, each _little_ _detail_, is important and is put into the story for a reason.


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